


she learned to live without her

by DegrassiFanatic



Series: Character Study [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Gauis is dead, Girls Kissing, Morgana is a servant, Prophecy, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DegrassiFanatic/pseuds/DegrassiFanatic
Summary: Nothing was the same, when Morgana left, she took the last bit of normalcy she had with it. Gwen had learned to live without it. When Morgana left, she took her love. Gwen learned to live without it.When Morgana left, she learned to live without her.--Canon Divergence AU - Morgana and Gwen were servants together.





	she learned to live without her

**Author's Note:**

> DAMN MY LESBIANS ARE IN PAIN. Angst with a happy ending. Also I messed with the original legend and added in my girls.

It was that time of the year when knightings had become a daily task in the castle. It was a knighting when everything went awful.

 

Gwen had been sick and was being tended to Morgana. If Morgana had not been there to push her back to bed. Both Gwen and Morgana had been lucky enough to such kind mistresses, who would not push them to work through illness. Or in Morgana’s case, would allow them to tend to their friend.

 

“No, Morgana. I can tend to myself, you go to Lady Amelia. I’ll get some medication from Gauis.” Gwen had protested weakly, as she tried to get up from the bed.

 

Morgana’s mistress was a kind woman, who believed not in the social class hierarchy at all. She wouldn’t have even had a servant if it weren’t upon Uther’s insistence. Lady Amelia was Uther’s daughter but, not the late Ygraine’s. Uther had bedded a barmaid after Ygraine’s death, the barmaid died in childbirth. To insure a good life as a favour to the barmaid, he had her moved to the castle and given nobility.

 

“Like hell you will. Lady Amelia says it’s okay to tend to you. Plus, it’s not like she’s extremely busy. She’s just attending a few knighting ceremonies.” Morgana explained.

 

“If there’s more than one ceremony, I must attend to Lady Willow. You know how she is, always changing dresses for occasions.” Gwen persisted as she continued with her pursuit to return to her duties, in vain.

 

Lady Willow was not as kind as Lady Amelia. But, she too had similar beliefs in the social system. Lady Willow had always treated people with respect but, she had always come off as intimidating. Lady Willow was another one of Uther’s children, who was not birthed of Ygraine. In his grief, he had bedded a lonely shop owner, who had died in childbirth as well. He had done a similar favour to the shop owner, and took in Lady Willow.

 

“Gwen, Gwen, my precious Gwen,” Morgana cooed as she gently pinched at the girl’s cheeks, “You’re not going anywhere.”

 

Morgana had picked up her bag, and gathered her skirts. Before she left, she gave Gwen a kiss on the cheek and whispered a threat. If there’s a red hue on her face, it’s from the flu.

 

“If I see you out of this bed at all, I’ll kill you before the cold has a chance.” as she left for the door, “Bye, Guinevere.”

 

Gwen and Morgana had quite the complicated relationship. Both were in love with one another and both knew of this fact. Both had engaged in sexual relations with one another. However, they were not exclusive nor did they actively seek men or women to form relationships with. Morgana and Gwen were quite content with the relationship they had, lovers when necessary and friends when not. Neither had ever bothered to define their relationship only assumptions to define what they had in their head. Gwen had believed that though they could not marry, they’d still grow old together. Morgana had believed that they would eventually grow out of it.

 

“And, you say Gwen has the flu.” Gauis had asked.

 

“Yes, an awful one might I add. Puking, heating up, sweating.” she had informed, as she sat herself down on a chair, “When’s your apprentice from Ealdor coming, what’s his name, Mitchell?”

 

“Merlin,” Gauis corrected as he swirled a vial around, “is coming two fortnights from now.”

 

“It should be nice having some company around, especially one as close as family.”

 

“Yes it will be.” he paused as he gave Morgana the vial, “Here, make sure Gwen takes a sip when she wakes and when she goes to sleep.”

 

“I’ll make sure of it.” she promises as she gets up from the chair, bag slung over her shoulder now.

 

“You best be going now. You know how the servants are, if they see you wandering, you’ll wind up doing something for the knighting ceremonies.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Morgana mocked as she saluted him before leaving his chambers, walking out backwards, “Have a good day Gauis.”

 

She faintly hears him replying back but, she isn’t quite sure as she stumbles into someone behind her. Within impact, she’s on the floor in front of the person.

 

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking.” she says before finally turning back to see who she stumbled into.

 

Obviously with Morgana’s luck, it was a knight. His chainmail had, fortunately, not scratched her nor break the glass vial. The knight looked to be very built physically and could’ve been passed off as a prince in her eyes. He had blonde hair and brown eyes, that swept over Morgana’s figure before landing on her eyes.

 

“Tis alright, my lady.” he spoke, as he helped Morgana from the ground.

 

“I am no lady, my lord.” she said while blushing, hopelessly trying to get her eyes to wander away from the knight in front of her.

 

“Ah but, a woman with your beauty should be a queen.”

 

“No queen.”

 

If Morgana wasn’t burning red all over her face, she most certainly was now.

 

“Sir Owen, country knight on the borders of Camelot.” Owen had spoken, adding a bow with an afterthought.

 

“Morgana, serving lady and handmaiden to Lady Amelia.” she informed with a small bow of her own, “My lord, I mean no offence. However my friend is quite ill and I must attend to her.”

 

“Oh, do attend to your friend. Perhaps, we could carry this conversation later. Meet me near the entrance of the castle, we could go to the town.” Owen proposed.

 

“I shall meet you in the evening.” she said before she bid him goodbye.

 

She couldn’t wait until she could tell Gwen.

 

Morgana was giddy with glee at the fact of possibly courting a knight. She was practically beaming as she entered their house.

 

“Gwen you would not believe my luck.” she began.

 

“Yeah, sure, can I have my medicine now?” Gwen answered as she rose from bed.

 

She had looked like she had been sleeping when Morgana woke up, she must’ve woken to Morgana’s loud voice announcing the news.

 

She gave the vial to Gwen, who had sat up against the headboard of the bed.

 

“I met this knight, his name’s Owen.” she told as the other drank from the vial, “He asked me to meet him by the castle’s entrance this evening.”

 

Gwen had choked on her medicine when she received the news.

 

“I’m fine.” she spluttered, “It’s just he’s a knight of Camelot, and you have magic.”

 

Morgana was born with magic, she had the ability to foresee events in her dreams. However, she didn’t want to see the future, so she took a potion created by Gauis each night. She could foretell prophecies through certain triggers. Morgana knew of her’s and Gwen’s destiny, the Seer next to the Warrior.

 

It was clear from the prophecies that the Seer was a woman and so was the Warrior, the women would fight with the Once and Future King and Emrys to free Albion from whatever perils it were to face. It was also destiny for the Seer and the Warrior to die alongside each other in battle. Gwen had not known of these fates and foreseen events and she didn’t need to. Morgana had thought if she were to know, it would destroy the fate of Albion.

 

It was best to keep quiet for now, until Emrys and the Once and Future King came along.

 

“He seems like a good lad. So, will you be able to take care of yourself for the evening or shall I ask Gauis to come over?” Morgana asked as she waited (im)patiently for an answer.

 

“No, you can go. If I need help, I can get Mrs. Smith to help me.”

 

“Thank you, Gwen. You don’t know what this means to me.”

 

And, at the time Gwen didn’t.

 

She thought it would have lasted at the most a week. But, it hadn’t. Owen and Morgana had begun seeing each every other day, and then every other day meant everyday. Slowly, Gwen’s company became the Lady Amelia, the Lady Willow, Prince Arthur, and Gauis. Occasionally some of the other servants and knights but, never Morgana.

 

Owen was staying for a month to be present for the tournaments and knighting ceremonies. Gwen thought she only had to wait a month then, surely he would leave Morgana and never return until Morgana was over him.

 

Sadly she was mistaken.

 

“Gwen, you would not believe the news.” Morgana exclaimed as she entered the house, “I’m getting married. Prince Arthur has even arranged for the wedding to be on castle grounds.”

 

Gwen didn’t want to ruin this for Morgana with her own feelings. Morgana had a clear opening to leave servanthood and have a good life. She’ll deal with the dagger later. Morgana had asked her to be the maid of honour, she was set to dance with Owen’s best man, some other bulky knight.

 

The wedding was set to happen in the same week they were engaged, as Sir Owen was leaving in the same week as well. Since Sir Owen was leaving, surely would Morgana, who had become Lady Morgana.

 

“Gwen, what if I can’t do this?” Morgana had asked as she got ready for the wedding, “I mean, I’m a servant. I am not lady, I mean I didn’t even expect to get married and certainly not at this age. I have no knowledge on how to do these sorts of things, I’ll make a fool of myself, Owen, the -”

 

“Morgana, you will be happy with Owen. He’s a good man, you said it yourself. He knows what he’s signed up for. Everything will be fine.”

 

Everything was not fine, she thought.

 

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Gauis had lead Morgana down the aisle, since her real father had been long gone from the world. They professed their vows and Gwen was so sure, that she should’ve been in Owen’s spot. She deserved to hear those words after nine years. The ceremonial dancing was done beautifully. Gauis was given the first dance with Morgana, then gave her away to Owen. Gwen danced with one of the knights, Sir Ericson.

 

The feast was still going on, continuing into the later night. Morgana was happy and Gwen had let her be. Morgana deserves to be happy, even if it isn’t with her.

 

Gwen wasn’t happy though, because no matter how bright her smile is, it won’t change the fact that Morgana is choosing a knight she’s known for a little less than a month over Gwen.

 

She was currently, outside on the balcony, away from the festivities.

 

“Why so sulky Gwen?” she heard a rough voice talk from behind her.

 

She turned to see Prince Arthur in the doorway.

 

“Not sulky, just thinking.” she had answered back, vaguely.

 

She knew how incriminating it must look to be alone, outside on a balcony, on the day of your best friend’s wedding. Arthur must’ve been right, she definitely looks sulky, even if she can’t look at her own expression right now.

 

“Yes, and I am a peasant from King Olaf’s kingdom.” Arthur shot back, as he walked towards her near the railing, “What’s wrong, Guinevere?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

There was a heavy pause, as they both knew that what she said wasn’t the truth at all.

 

“You love her, don’t you?” he questioned, tentatively.

 

“Yeah, she’s my best friend.” she answered back, hoping he wouldn’t press on for more answers.

She wasn’t sure what the other answers would be but, she felt like she was about to figure what they were.

 

Gwen feels a strong pair of arms on her shoulders, turning her to face Arthur.

 

“No, you’re in love with her.”

 

“Yeah, yeah I am.” she whispered with tears in her eyes. She let herself be buried in Arthur’s arms and she cried for what seemed like hours before she stopped.

 

When she wandered home, without anyone by her side, she didn’t have to hide her tears anymore.

 

The next morning Gwen heard nothing of Morgana and Owen. She head searched the castle for hours until she found Arthur in one of the corridors.

 

“Oh Arthur,” she began, gathering her skirts in her hands, scurrying to him, “Have you seen Morgana or Owen?”

 

“I’m sorry Guinevere, Morgana and Sir Owen had left this morning. I assumed she had said goodbye.”

* * *

 

That was seven years ago. Now, everything was different. Gwen had become friends with Merlin, Merlin became Arthur’s manservant, Merlin confessed to having magic, Gauis had passed away, Isac had become Court Physician, Merlin moved in with Gwen, and much more.

 

Merlin was Gauis’ apprentice before he passed but, since he was quite young Merlin was not appointed to Court Physician after his death. Instead, a man named Isac, who Gauis wrote to prior to his death, was appointed on Gauis’ insistence. Isac was older than Gwen but younger than the old physician.

 

When Gauis had died, Merlin stopped living in the physician’s chambers. Not because he had been kicked out by Isac. Isac was a good man, he helped Merlin in all his magic related problems, he had even tried convincing Merlin to stay. Merlin, however, could not stay. He felt an immense wave of grief and mourning when he had stayed in the chamber’s after the funeral. The boy was at tears every time he left his bed, then Gwen had offered him, her extra room in her house.

 

Nothing was the same, when Morgana left, she took the last bit of normalcy she had with it. Gwen had learned to live without it. When Morgana left, she took her love. Gwen learned to live without it.

 

When Morgana left, she learned to live without her.

 

“Gwen,” a voice snapped her out of her trance, “Did you hear the news? There’s around five knighting ceremonies and some country knights from the borders are coming. You know how much work we’re gonna get.” Merlin exclaimed as he ate his food.

 

“Yes, well we’ve gotten used to it, around this time of year.” she paused as she reached for her own food, “Also do you know which knights are attending?” Gwen asked, with caution.

 

“I don’t really remember. Arthur said something about Sir Olan and Lady Morwenna.”

 

“Do you mean, Sir Owen and Lady Morgana?” she mocked him.

 

If Merlin was right, they would be arriving today. In about seven years, Morgana would be returning to the heart of Camelot. She would be returning to Gwen and somehow the thought was deeply terrifying. She didn’t want to see her, she left without a goodbye to live her life with a fairytale knight.

 

“Yes, them. Now, if you excuse me, I have to attend to Isac and collect vials .” he bid her goodbye.

 

Gwen started cleaning up the kitchen table, no worries of being late. Over the years Lady Willow had become lax with her. Gwen could leave her alone for the day, and Lady Willow wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. She had even insisted to not call her ‘Lady’ anymore but, old habits are hard to quit.

 

Over the years, she, Merlin, and the King’s children had become close. Arthur always being there, when they needed help. Becoming a constant in his life. Willow and Amelia becoming like sisters. She’d even help them get ready for their inappropriate dates with the serving boys, which happened more often than not. Willow had once even asked Merlin to one of these dates. He had, however, declined politely. Saying how there was another.

 

As much as romantic lives go on, Gwen had no other partners. There was only ever Morgana. For her, there had never been another and never will be.

 

She heard a knock on the door and went to open it, however the guest had become impatient and was wading in. It was, of course, Lady Willow.

 

“Oh there you are Gwen, I was becoming terribly bored in my room.” she exclaimed dramatically, as she went to sit at the table.

 

“Sorry, my lady. I was just cleaning up, I know that Merlin nor I will have any time to tidy up until the early mornings of tomorrow.” Gwen had explained as she went to reach for the broom, to start sweeping.

 

“Why’s that?” Willow asked, as she started to pick up a random book from the table to read.

 

“It’s just with the knighting ceremonies and the feast tonight.” she gave a pause before continuing, “Is Sir Owen and his wife attending tonight?”

 

She does not look in Willow’s eyes. Willow had known of the complications between Gwen and Morgana. They had never spoken of it, unless in the vaguest terms. Willow was there to comfort Gwen after Morgana’s departure and had even tried to get the knight’s location in hopes letters could be sent but, Gwen respectfully declined. After that, they had never even uttered Morgana’s name. No one really knows about Morgana and Gwen. Only Arthur, Willow, Amelia, and Gauis had known. She hasn’t told Merlin to this day, of Morgana, only telling vague love stories of them and what could’ve been.

 

“Yes, they will be attending.”

 

“My Lady, I think I musn’t attend the feast tonight. I do not know if I can serve.” Gwen had informed in the most professional voice she could muster with tears threatening to drop.

 

Willow had silently put down her book and walked over to Gwen, who had stopped sweeping. She had carefully took the broom from her hands, and put it away. Next, she had took Gwen’s hands and lead her to a seat.

 

Once both seated, she had spoke, “Gwen, you cannot avoid this.” she began, “You have to see her and find some sort of acceptance. She’s moved on with her life, so should you.”

 

“I can’t.” Gwen had finally let a tear slip, then another, another, and then she was crying in her hands.

 

“This is how you heal. Let go of the ‘what could’ve beens’ and start accepting the ‘what has been’.” Willow had advised, as she tried to comfort Gwen with her arms.

 

“You’re right.”

 

“I always am.” she said with a smirk.

 

“Don’t get cocky. Not a good look for a lady.”

 

* * *

 

Gwen had been given the responsibility to serve Lady Willow, at the main table. The main table had been put at the very front end of the room, giving a clear view of all the guests. Which went both ways.

 

Gwen saw Morgana sitting next to Owen, looking quite glum. Morgana kept sneaking glances to her and so had Gwen. This continued on until she had enough of the hot air, she had excused herself to Lady Willow and went out to the balcony.

 

Leaning on the railing like she did, the last time Morgana was here.

 

“You okay?” Merlin said walking towards her, on the railing.

 

“Quite. Actually,” she started off, “I was wondering what those looks you were giving Arthur meant?” she teased, in an attempt to distract from the situation.

 

If her assumptions and evidence weren’t already concrete, the red hue on Merlin’s face had given her enough.

 

“Um, I might kind of actually maybe, like Arthur.” he muttered as he looked down at his hands, “How do you even know?”

 

“You know the story I told you about me and the serving girl, well the looks you give him are the same ones I gave her.”

 

“Quite observant, in the matters of love.” Merlin remarked as he finally looked up from his hands.

 

She started to pinch his cheeks, which made him blush even more so, “I’ll be sure to give Arthur my blessings, since your mother can’t.”

 

“Why exactly am I receiving Guinevere’s blessings on your mother’s behalf?” an unexpected voice questioned from behind them.

 

Merlin turned to see Arthur and had become even more flustered. He tried to explain but, kept stuttering, in which case, Gwen had took over.

 

“You see Arthur, Merlin hasn’t complained about you in over twenty-four hours. Which marks the beginning of your friendship and for that I give my blessings.”

 

The look of relief that had passed over Merlin’s face was terribly funny and had Gwen giggling even afterwards into the night.

 

“You complain about me?” he prattled on.

 

“Well, I don’t exactly appreciate your stinky socks.”

 

* * *

 

When Merlin and Gwen were finally released by their master’s hands, they had begun walking back home, which was significantly close to the castle.

 

As they entered the house, they set their stuff down and went to their respective rooms to change into their sleepwear.

 

Before Merlin blew out all the candles, he asked Gwen a question.

 

“Gwen the story about you and the serving girl. The serving girl was Morgana wasn’t it?”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I’m observant, I guess.” he smirked, “You can tell me more in the morning.”

 

“Thank you Merlin. Goodnight.”

 

With a blow to the last candle, Merlin bid her goodnight as well.

 

* * *

 

When Gwen rose from bed, Merlin had made their breakfast and was laying it out. She tried to help but, Merlin persisted that he do it himself because he did not want anything to go wrong. As Merlin finished placing the plates, he sat down, facing Gwen.

 

Knowing Merlin did not know how to ask Gwen what he was pondering, Gwen started the conversation first.

 

“She was a serving girl and she used to live with me.”

 

Gwen had started explaining their situation and what happened over the years and what finally ended their relationship. Adding on, how their relationship ended.

 

“I’m sorry Gwen that you had to go through so much.” he comforted her, as he reached for her hand.

 

She gladly accepted it, “Merlin, if Arthur breaks your heart, deal with it better than I. Do not waste chances with love, waiting for another who may not come.”

 

Gwen started to clean up silently, hoping that Merlin would understand she needed to be alone today. Before Merlin left the house, she had asked him to inform her mistress she would not make it in today. He nodded and closed the door behind him

 

A few minutes later, there was a knock on her door. Gwen had quickly wiped her tears on her sleeves and gave herself a few seconds to calm down, before opening the door.

She had opened the door to the person who was responsible for her tears, Morgana. Or now, Morgana Le Fay.

 

“My lady, do what do I owe this pleasure?” she spoke with a curtsy at the end.

 

“May I come in?”

 

“This used to be your home.”

 

_It still could be._

 

As Morgana entered, Gwen closed the door and made her way to the woman. Morgana was seated and was gesturing for Gwen to join her.

 

“How did you find me?” she finally asked the pressing question, as she fiddled with the loose thread on her sleeve.

 

“Like you said, this used to be my home. We do not forget our pasts so easily.” Morgana responded, as she smoothed out the wrinkles on her dress, “How have you been?”

 

Fed up with all the lies and unnecessary niceties, she broke. This never used to happen before. They used to be Morgana and Gwen, thick as thieves. They were content with life and they never needed anything else. Now, there’s a gulf between the two that can never crossed.

 

If Morgana hadn’t gotten the medicine that day, if Gwen had stayed out of the rain for another hour, if Gauis had kept her for longer.

 

There were so many what if’s but, they do not change the what is.

 

“You left seven years ago with a country knight and you didn’t even say goodbye. How do you think I am?” Gwen spat out.

 

“I’m sorry, I was caught up in greed and dishonest love.” Morgana whispered with a broken voice. Her eyes didn’t try to meet Gwen’s nor did Gwen’s for Morgana.

 

“Why wasn’t what we had enough? Why wasn’t I enough?”

 

Immediately Morgana’s head snapped up and was quick to reassure, “You were enough. What we had was enough. I’m sorry I was being greedy.”

 

Morgana had begun to explain how she thought Owen and her marriage could benefit both of them. How Morgana could’ve bought Gwen as a servant and she could give them a good life. She started to tell her how Owen was not who he seemed to be. He had become a completely different person and tried to control Morgana. He even cut her off from any contact from Camelot until seven years later, it started to look suspicious.

 

“Did you bother ever wondering how I would’ve felt? How I would feel every time I would see you go to bed with someone who wasn’t me? One day even bearing his children, while I was left to ponder the ‘what if’.” Gwen had become on the verge of tears.

 

“I’m sorry Gwen.”

 

“We were supposed to grow old together, Morgana. Why were we such fools?”

 

Morgana took Gwen’s hands in her own, “You did no wrongs. I am the only one to blame.”

 

“I did do a wrong, I fell in love with you.”

 

After a bit of silence, it was broken by Morgana.

 

“Could you ever forgive me?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

After that, Gwen had begun explaining all the events that had passed in her absence. Who Merlin was, how they became friends and then started living together. The issues regarding the royal family. Who Isac was, and what had happened to Gauis.

 

“You and Merlin, are you two involved?”

 

“No, there isn’t anyone. Hasn’t been another since you.” Gwen confessed. She hopes that Morgana can hear the confession in her statement.

 

_There’ll never be another like you._

 

Gwen is quite grateful for the distraction that is Merlin entering the house. However, the method he used will cause a lot of scolding from her and Isac.

 

“Gwen, you will not believe the spell I casted to fix Arthur’s food-” he had stopped when he saw that they had company.

 

“Merlin, this is Lady Morgana. Morgana, this is the imbecile who saves everyone, Merlin.” Gwen grit out as she wandered to Merlin’s side to whack his head upright.

 

Merlin let out a nice whimper before answering back,  “Nice to meet you, my lady. I do hope you won’t tell anyone about what just happened.”

 

“I won’t. After all, I am a seer. Gwen here, has been hording magic users like a mother.”

 

Morgana could sense that Merlin was Emrys, she had foreseen some prophecies after leaving Camelot. If Merlin was Emrys, then Arthur must surely be the Once and Future King. They were destined to fight for Albion.

 

However some things are best not to be talked about, on first meeting.

 

* * *

 

“It was nice to catch up Gwen and it was lovely meeting you Merlin.”

 

“When must you leave, my lady?” he asked going back to Merlin the servant, instead of Merlin the friend.

 

“I ride out tomorrow but, I must leave to pack now.” she replies, as she gets up to walk over to the door.

 

“I shall walk you to the door.” Gwen pipes up from behind of Morgana.

 

Morgana looks at Gwen and for once she looks at her with no old hurt or the tainted lies of what could have been. She looks at her like she’s Morgana the servant, not Morgana who broke her heart.

 

As Gwen walks to Morgana, who is currently at the door. Merlin leaves to his room, to give them so quietly.

 

“I want to forgive you.” she whispered.

 

“I’m sorry you need to.” Morgana whispers back.

 

Then, Morgana leaves. She closes the door and unlike last time, she got a goodbye. For that, Gwen wants to thank all the stars and moons and everything in the universe.

 

Morgana leaves like she’s gone out to tend to Lady Amelia or help Gauis or do anything other then leave Gwen alone.

 

Morgana leaves like she’s not gone away with the remainder of Gwen’s heart in her hand.

 

And, Gwen closes the door like she didn’t have to close the door on love.

 

* * *

 

Gwen likes to think she’s a logical person. She believes when she wants to and understand when she should think with her head and not her heart.

 

So, when Morgana leaves that day, she thinks with her head. She thinks and she knows, that if she lets herself believe that Morgana will come back, her heart will be gone.

 

When Morgana left, she took almost all of Gwen’s heart. She took almost all of Gwen’s heart and only left enough to let Gwen love her family and friends. She took almost all of Gwen’s heart and didn’t let her love another like Morgana.

 

And, through all this pain and misery. She’s grateful because she’ll never want to love another, not if she knows Morgana is somewhere.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a few days since Morgana and Owen left, Gwen had to act like she isn’t wishing for Morgana’s hands in her own.

 

Like she isn’t wishing for someone who forgot the ‘us’ they were once.

 

There’s a knock on the door, which breaks Gwen from her own thoughts. She is ever so thankful for the distraction from her head.

 

She opens the door, and to her surprise she sees Morgana.

 

She thinks it some sort of twisted dream or hallucination caused by Isac’s potion or even Merlin being cruel with his magic. She doesn’t believe Morgana is truly there because she doesn’t have any heart left to break on the very possible chance that this isn’t real.

 

Morgana is there, standing with her bags packed to the brim, her green hood thrown over her head. Morgana is there, and she’s in front of Gwen.

“I-uh, I ran away from Owen.” she pauses for a bit, “Can I come inside?”

 

Gwen moves away from the doorway, and ushers Morgana inside quietly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I made one mistake years ago, I’m not gonna make the same one.” and her voice is steady and she’s looking at Gwen with a gaze laced with an emotion she can’t detect.

 

Her voice is steady and she’s looking at Gwen like she’s something to her again.

 

Maybe it’s the sudden realization of how close they are or how much Gwen is starving for affection. There’s something that makes Gwen kiss Morgana.

 

Morgana kisses her like she’s trying to apologize with her lips. Gwen kisses back like she’s forgiving her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> 


End file.
